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Rejection: No one likes it. Here's how to get over it.

They say sales requires a tough skin, but having a tough skin may mean you're not able to empathize on an emotional level with your clients.  As we learned in your free Sales Psychology lesson, decisions are made first emotionally and backed up with logic.  So how do you make sales (or not make them) without running home to scarf down a pint of Ben & Jerry's every time someone says, "No,"? Find out in this video. 




Hi everybody. It’s Jess and this is Frank. And Frankie loves making videos so he’s going to help me with one because there is no better person to help teach about how to take rejection and how to take the word “no” than a five year old.


Frankie, when you ask Mommy to do something and she says, “No,” what do you do? [I don’t know…] So when you say, “Mom can I play with my iPad,” and I say, “No Frankie, it’s getting late.” What do you usually do? [Cry?] You cry, yes, but what about before you cry? You usually ask me again, “But mom, can I have my iPad?” and I say, “No it’s getting too late.” And you say, “But mom, can I have it?” “No it’s getting too late.” “But mom, but mom…” So no means absolutely nothing to this child and I want you to remember that because what we’re going to talk about in this lesson, which is going to be short, is about the word, “No” and about rejection in general.  Especially since we’re talking about sMarketing and you’re going to get the word “no” a lot in sales.  In fact, you’re going to get more ‘No’s” than you get “yes’s” so you have to get used to it.


Let’s talk about why “no” is so difficult to handle and why not being able to take the word, ‘No” can really hinder your sales success. Know this, when you get a “no” when your sMarketing or when you’re trying to make a sale or trying to set an appointment, 95% of the time it has nothing to do with you. People have different ideas and different beliefs about how life should be and they’re not rejecting YOU they’re rejecting the product or features and benefits of the product or they just don’t NEED it right now.  


Think about the waitress who’s offering her customers dessert and coffee after dinner.  She asks every single time and she gets a lot of people that say, “no,” but she doesn’t go in a corner and cry and say she needs to go home from work . She just keeps asking people and she continues to get “No” for the occasional “yes.”  The reason why it’s easy for a waitress to ask people for dessert even though most of them say, “no” is because she doesn’t take it personally.  She doesn’t take it personally that someone doesn’t want cheesecake, or can’t have cheesecake, or they’re on a diet and they can’t eat cheesecake today, or they can’t afford cheesecake, or they don’t have time for cheesecake? She doesn’t take it personally because she knows it’s not about her, it’s about the cheesecake.


Here’s what I want to offer you: I want to offer you the idea that the word “no” to you means so much more than the word, “no.” Now, you might have heard the saying, “‘No’ doesn’t mean ‘no,’ ‘no’ means ‘maybe,’” that’s not what I’m talking about.  I’m talking about to you, the ego inside of you, “no” means so much more than “no.” Think back to when you were five years old, when you were Frankie’s age, and your mom was saying, “no.” Was she saying, “Oh no, honey, it’s not time for the iPad.” And then when you asked the fifth time was she still polite, “Oh no, not tonight.” No.  How does Mommy act when you ask me a hundred times the same thing? [Yell.] Can you do it? Can you pretend to be me and say, “no?” [NO!] Ha ha. It was probably scarier than that.  Well, these are the developmental years and this is when these beliefs get ingrained in you and so now, you’re an adult and you’re totally unaware of where your beliefs and your resistances come from, and your mental blocks.  With the word, “no,” your body literally shutters because what’s in your muscle memory is, “NOOOOO!! I said NO!!!!” right? And then it means so many other things.  “No,” can mean to you, inside of you, you may be interpreting someone as saying, “You’re not good enough,”  “You’re not smart enough,” “You’re not pretty enough,” “You’re not old enough,” “You’re not young enough,” “You’re not this enough,” “You’re not that enough,” “You don’t have enough experience,” “You have too much experience.”  Be aware of that because these are deep seated beliefs that you need to address if you’re going to be successful in sales because, like I said, you’re going to get a lot of “no’s.”


Like all the major athletes have said, they always fail more than they succeed.  Whether it’s shooting hoops, or hitting a baseball. They’re always going to miss more of the shots than they get, but if they took it personally every time, they’d never be able to continue.


Here’s what I want you to do to start to learn how to deal with rejection and how to start to learn how to deal with the word, “no.” Whether or not you can handle rejection and the word, “no” is all about your mindset in the moment. If it’s about you, if about you making the sale, or you proving something, or you showing that you’re the expert, or going back to the office and being the top producer or going back to your family and being the top producer, when the person says, “no,” the person is rejecting you and your goals to be successful.  But if you walk into a situation and you’re truly in service to the client and you’re there to help them, then all of sudden, that “no” doesn’t become about you. It’s just, “No, you can’t help me now.” We talked about the hundred dollar bill example that people will say “no” to something that truly has value and you truly believe is valuable. You can’t always get them to see things the way that you do, but putting yourself in their shoes and seeing things from their perspective and to be there to truly serve them will take the focus off of you and put it on them so you’ll no longer feel that feeling of shudder when someone says, “no” to you.  


I want you to try that next time you’re out in the field.  Pay attention to how it feels when someone says, “no.” Go back to when you were this age, and try to remember what it was like at this age, because that little child is still a part of you.  

Thank you so much for joining us on our exercise on taking “no” and rejection. I hope you enjoyed Frankie’s entertainment.  Can you say “Bye,” Frankie? [Bye!] Bye.  We’ll see you in the next video. [Click to subscribe.]


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Friday, 24 May 2019

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