I can’t believe I’m doing this… but when I have an idea for something I just can’t let it go.

In the spirit of Hamilton, I made a little freestyle hip-hop song for you all. The only thing nerdier than rapping about American History is rapping about sales quotas. But I can’t say this is a new talent.  Lin-Manual Miranda and I were in the same improv group for a quick minute back in the day. I remember him because he was AWE-some.. And if he remembers me, it’s because he remembers that terrible girl that was terrible but did it anyway. Ha ha. I was also cast as the lead in a Spoken Word Opera here in Philadelphia at the Painted Bride Theater. Also, bad casting, but I did it anyway!

And today, I do it anyway for you : )

I’ve included the lyrics (below) in case you want to serenade your own sales teams. Feel free to share with your sales networks.

But seriously, Happy New Year and the best of health, wealth and happiness in the New Year.

Jess

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A SALESPERSON'S NEW YEAR'S EVE PRAYER

A New Year’s prayer for the females and males

In the honorable, ne’e ornery profession of sales!

CHORUS:

This is my wish for you: That all your dreams come true.

Happy New Year to you.

It is my mission to get you more commission

to decrease your attrition, make your dreams come to fruition.

So, let your suspicion go,  permission given for

Musician erudition in this holiday rendition.

May you bleed the A Leads and forget all the B’s

After all this year you’ve done all of those good deeds.

May your prospects treat you with the utmost respect.

May you connect and resurrect even those that were X-ed.

CHORUS

What will you do when you reach your quota?

Take a trip to Sarasota? Buy yourself a new Toyota?

What? You don’t care one iota?

Banish thee to the cold-calling corner!

May your bonuses come with no slownesses

Your renewals like jewels without cruel duels.

And your increased revenue make you scream Yahoo!

In your kazoo that you bought down in Kalamazoo.

CHORUS

Let me reinforce: There will be no buyers’ remorse

They’ll ne’er endorse to outsource like a painful divorce.

And chargebacks, like a hack to your back a full blown heart attack,

They’ll steer clear of your rear in the coming New Year.

CHORUS