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Success: What's holding you back from yours?

I was convinced after now being out of high school for 20 years, that I would never use Calculus in every day life.  Except when it comes to spirituality, enlightenment, and success, it made a surprise appearance.

Remember X approaches Y? Remember how X would approach Y but would never actually touch it? It would get infinitely close to it, but never actually reach it.

That's how I feel about success.  But what's more interesting to me is why it is that way and what we can do to change it. I reveal it in the video below.




Success. What is success? Today I want to talk to you about success.  Now, there are many different kinds of success but we’re going to talk about is financial success since it’s the one that most closely relates to sales, although you will find that they are very closely intermingled, success and sales.


Let’s talk about first what financial success means to you.  Do you know what your number is? For instance, how do you know when you’ve reached your goal if you don’t know what the number is you associate with financial success? For some people it’s a million dollars, for other it’s a billion dollars, some people just want to break six figures, I remember when ten thousand was a lot to me. It’s important that you know what your numbers are so that you know when you get there. But, more importantly, you want to know what is holding you back from reaching those numbers? Have you ever thought of that? Have you ever thought of exactly why you’re not getting where you need to go? Besides that no one else is cooperating with your vision? But why, within you, you’re not getting where you want to go?

There’s something call limiting beliefs. A limiting belief is anything that doesn’t serve you; it doesn’t serve your purpose.  We’ve got beliefs.  Some of them help us; some of them hold us back. Our beliefs were created when we were very, very, very young, in our developmental years.  And through our whole life, but mostly before you even remember them happening. As an adult, you become more aware, and you start to choose your beliefs before they become a part of you, but you still have new beliefs that you develop as an adult. So, we have all these beliefs. The one thing about beliefs is that they’re not set in stone, right? You can believe one thing one day and change it the next day.  You can believe the Earth is flat and then decide it’s round. You can believe there’s a planet called Pluto and then you can decide, “Nah, no planet Pluto. Got rid of that.” Your beliefs can change.  Understand that as strongly as you believe them and as strongly as you believe they’re true, you’ve had your own experiences where you believed something one day and then believed something else the next day. The possibility that beliefs change is there and that’s why people have different opinions about things. Your beliefs, though, most of them were not created by you.  Most of them were taught to you by your parents, your teachers, society, movies, friends. All of these have influences on us and created our beliefs.  Our beliefs create the foundation for who we are.   

I’ll give you an example, why we might not be reaching our goals for financial success, what mindsets might be holding us back. So, for instance, you might have a belief that “rich people are greedy.”  Or, “Rich people must have lied to get to where they are.” These are pretty common thoughts because, even if you look at the movies you grew up with, the rich people were always the bad guys. Even Daddy Warbucks, you finally changed at the end, he was a bad guy in the beginning. So, “Rich people are bad. Rich people are evil.  They’re greedy. And these are supported by our society.  Have you ever heard the term, “Money is the root of all evil?” If you have that kind of belief in you, whether you’re aware of it or not, maybe this is the first time I made you aware that’s a belief you hold, no matter what you do, no matter what actions you take to try to get somewhere, you’re not going to reach it because, subconsciously, you’ll hold yourself back because you don’t want to be associated with those negative terms. You don’t want to be greedy. And you don’t see yourself as greedy. You don’t want to mean, the bad guy, and you don’t see yourself that way. There’s no way you can align yourself with the word “rich” and who you are. They won’t come together if those are the beliefs you hold. Now, like we said, the great thing about beliefs is that they can change and you have the power to change them.  

But how? How do you change a belief that you decide is not serving you? And one that you may have had for 30 or more years guiding you and guiding your decisions? Before we go into that, let’s talk about some of the consequences of having beliefs that aren’t serving you. Your beliefs determine your thoughts.  If something happens, you digest it, your beliefs determine how you react to it. Okay? So let’s take the example of getting cut off in traffic.  If you believe that “It’s a dog eat dog world how there, everyone has to fend for himself,” then when that person cuts you off, something happens outside of you, you internalize it, your beliefs determine what your thoughts will be.  So what springs from your belief is your thought and your thought is, “Goddam son-of-a-B, that guy cut me off.  I have to get him back,” right? Because it’s dog eat dog. “I have to get him back.” And then your thoughts determine your emotions. So you’ve got this belief, it turns into a thought, the thought triggers the emotion, you become angry. Then, finally, the combination of all those determine your actions. So your actions might be to try and cut that guy off again, or maybe give him the finger, I don’t know something like that. I’ve broken up the process of when something happens externally, how you digest it internally and then how it becomes real action in your life. These triggers happen constantly, all day long, very, very quickly. You’re not aware of it unless you’re really slowing down time in your mind. But that’s a whole other topic. When you slow it down like that, you can see how a belief might trigger an action that you might not necessarily want representing you. Logically you might say, “I’m a nice person, but nice people don’t give the finger.. But it was totally justified in that situation.” That’s how beliefs, or beliefs that aren’t serving you, can hurt you in the long run. In business, or in sales, you may end up taking actions based on beliefs you don’t even know you have because there’s no other way to respond if you’re not aware.

So, then, the first step is to be aware. They say enlightenment is, now you may thing enlightenment has nothing to do with sales because people have definitely torn the two apart, but we’re talking about success.  And success and spirituality definitely blend so financial success also blends with those. One definition of enlightenment is knowing what you’re doing, when you’re doing and why you’re doing it. So, when you give someone the finger because they cut you off, understanding what you did, why you did it, while you’re doing it. It’s not an afterthought.  In the beginning, it’s an afterthought.  When you first start thinking about these things it’s like, “Oh, I just gave someone the finger. Hmm.. let me examine myself and see why I did that.” That’s the first step. But ultimately, the goal is to get the point where while you’re doing it you understand why you’re doing it so you can stop. It’s being present.  It’s being totally in the moment. The first step is to be aware. Be aware of what you’re doing while you’re doing it and ask the question, “Why am I doing this?” The “why” goes back to what your beliefs are. Then you can determine, based on your ultimate actions, you can determine if the beliefs are serving you holding you back. Is it getting you closer to where you want to be personally and professionally? Or is it holding you back?

And then what you do is what I call gathering evidence.  When these beliefs were created, you subconsciously gathered evidence to support that belief so it became solidified in you. You found examples in your life where that was true, whether it was a movie where the rich guy was a bad guy or in your own life you knew someone who was wealthy and was not generous.  You gathered evidence to support that belief because the ego inside of you needs to have that structure and solidity. What you can do is reverse engineer the process. Now you can decide, “That belief isn’t serving me. There must be another way to think about this.  What if rich people were generous? Or, what if rich people were kind? What if I believed that?” See, logically, that might make sense to you, but in your body, if it’s not a true belief, your actions won’t reflect it. Then, you gather evidence.  Instead of looking for evidence that rich people are mean, you can look for examples in your life or out in the world where rich people are generous. For instance, Bill Gates gives tons of money to charity. A lot of rich people are very, very generous. And the more money you have the money you can give. The first step is to be aware.  The second step is to decide on a new belief that will serve you. The third is to gather evidence about that belief. And then finally, constantly checking yourself.  Whenever you hear that old belief, or as my father calls in his book, “the tapes,” the tapes that are in your head that are on auto repeat, that are guiding you. It’s like a robot, right? “The tape.  The tape told me to do it. I did not give him the finger. The tape told me to do it.” You can change that tape, so you have to record a new tape.  And recording that tape takes a while.  It doesn’t happen in an instant. The awareness happens in an instant, but replacing the old patterns with new patterns takes a little bit longer. So then it’s being aware of when those old beliefs spring their ugly heads.  My coach calls it gremlins.  When the gremlins come out start gathering evidence and replacing those limiting beliefs serving beliefs.

I hope that helps bring some awareness as to why, no matter what financial goals you set, or what your definition of financial success is, why, no matter what you do, you might be holding yourself back subconsciously by taking actions that are limiting you. So be present.  Not only with yourself, but this is going to help you in a sales situation, to be present and aware.  Once you know what you’re doing, why you’re doing it, while you’re doing it, you’ll understand why your customers do what they do when they do it and why they do it. You’ll be aware of what beliefs are triggering their actions because you’ve got knowledge of yourself.  “Know thyself,” Shakespeare said.  Know thyself, and that’s how you learn to know other people. People often ask me, “What’s the trick to emotional intelligence? How do I learn that?” You learn emotional intelligence by examining your own belief structure and how they trigger your emotions and ultimately turn into actions.  

Please take that with you and once you’ve mastered yourself you can start examining other people and start understanding, with empathy because now you’ve been there so you can understand why they are where they are, then, with empathy, you can understand where your client is. We talked in another lesson about the F Test, how many F’s, so you need to know what your client’s perspective is and that’s exactly how you do it. And when you’re there, when you’re aware, you become a better listener, and you become a better servant to your client, so you can understand what’s motivating them.

So that is your lesson on success.  So go out and have much success.  See you in the next lesson.


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Tuesday, 26 March 2019

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